


Something Seems a Little Off

by wickedorin



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: AU, Android, Crack, Gen, Profanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-12-03 07:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedorin/pseuds/wickedorin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written as a fill for a drabble request on AwaitingMassProduction: "Black Tiger and Argente; Humor; Tiger & Barnaby are  double-booked so Black Tiger and Argente fill in for them for a piece of  fluff entertainment (80’s talk show or 70’s style variety show, mun’s  choice). Only problem - something, be it BT’s dance skills or Argente’s  profanity, gives them away…"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Seems a Little Off

**Author's Note:**

> I decided more than one thing needed to go wrong.
> 
> There's just way too much headcanon back-story to attempt to explain in such a little space. My apologies.

He was questioning his cognitive and reasoning abilities even as the illuminated digits above the camera was counting down the last five seconds before the commercial was over. Why had he agreed to do such a thing?  
  
Because Wild Tiger asked. Then pleaded. On his knees, without any dignity at all. All because Wild Tiger hadn’t cleared saying yes to an interview with the producer, Ms. Joubert. And Ms. Joubert had threatened some things that sounded uncomfortable about the Hero team already having been booked for something else important.  
  
Three seconds. Black Tiger looked over to Argente, the wig looking just as perfect as Barnaby Brooks Jr.’s hair ever did. If slightly less glossy than it should be. The clone himself had taken the idea in stride; an opportunity to be “more Barnaby than Barnaby” and then to slough it all off afterward. Being promised that he could go to whatever restaurant he wanted afterward was a good way to convince him, too.  
  
One second. He supposed it didn’t really matter whether or not they were ready.  
  
A short introductory piece of music began as the lights got just a bit brighter. Their host, “Anthony Something-or-other” as Wild Tiger had put it, introduced them with unnatural exuberance. “Let’s get right down to it. Please welcome Barnaby Brooks Jr. and his partner Wild Tiger!”  
  
There was something about the audience cheering that was both encouraging and incredibly intimidating. Even so, Black Tiger pushed on. He had a job to do, didn’t he? “Ah, thank you.”  
  
“Yeah, thanks.” Argente smiled at the camera rather than the interviewer. It was all a bit too much—which, in his mind, meant it was just right.  
  
“Great of you two to take time out of your busy schedule in order to come down here and talk a bit.” Anthony smiled with artificially white teeth.  
  
“It is our pleasure to connect with the fans.” Black Tiger responded, accessing all data he had on “how to be a Hero”. Sadly, that was neither very much, nor very helpful. “They are very important to us.”  
  
“Absolutely.” Argente chimed in, flipping his wig-hair delicately. “Gaining points and pleasing fans, that’s what we do.”  
  
There was no hint that he could give while in front of the camera that Argente was still just a little too _much_ … but with any luck, the interview would be short. Black Tiger made a sound like clearing his throat and assured, “Saving people is still our highest priority, however.”  
  
“Well of course!” Anthony agreed with a big, fake laugh. Then he leaned in a bit. “So tell me… are the rumors true?”  
  
That was worrisome. “What rumors are you referring to?” Not that the android was sure he _wanted_ to know the answer.  
  
“Oh come on.” The interviewer grinned with those terribly reflective teeth. “Are you two..? Well, you know.”  
  
Argente finished the sentence for him. “Fucking?”  
  
Black Tiger flinched. 2.3 seconds later, Agnes was trying to make a connection through a vocal channel. Quickly going over his options, he decided to patch her through. She was yelling. The interview was definitely going to be on the short side of things.  
  
“N-no. I didn’t… wow.” To say that their host was getting flustered was a tremendous understatement. “I meant are you two doing another duet, but… that sounds sort of… heh heh.” Beads of sweat could be seen forming on his forehead even on the lowest resolution televisions.  
  
Argente didn’t seem to realize he’d made an enormous faux pas. He simply continued on. “Oh, yes, we’re doing the duet. But it’s none of your business if we’re fucking.” Though, he should have been paying a bit more attention to his hair flipping, since the wig turned 165 degrees on his head with that last flick of his fingers.  
  
At that point, Anthony was simply too dazed to respond in any way other than agreement. “Sure. Okay, that’s… fair.”  
  
Agnes was _screaming_. Black Tiger was forced to reduce the volume of the connection before he became distracted. There was absolutely nothing he could do to repair the situation, but something _had_ to be done. Standing, he simply volunteered, “Perhaps I could take the initiative of dancing us out of this segment and to commercial?”  
  
Their host was still long gone, appearing mildly catatonic. “Yeah, that’s. Good. Sure.”  
  
It had been one of those things he’d researched out of random interest. Ballroom, tap, soft shoe… the latter seemed like it was more appropriate in the situation. He did a pitch-perfect copy of one of the lessons he’d watched, mimicking even the hand motions.  
  
Even though he’d lowered the volume of Agnes’s connection, she was getting louder at that point. Perhaps it was time to pay a bit of attention to what she was saying. “Tiger _can’t dance_.”  
  
As music finally played them out to a commercial, Black Tiger responded, “Ms. Joubert, are you familiar with the concept of mass hallucination?” She sighed on the other end. “There is one more concern, however.”  
  
“Oh?” Agnes was relatively certain that she didn’t want to know. “What’s that?”  
  
“The music which is beginning to play at this very moment is jazz.”


End file.
